


Sex and Violence (4.14)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [75]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Aliases, Costumes and Disguises, Dean's Amulet, F/M, Fights, Impala, Led Zeppelin - Freeform, Mirror Folklore, Monsters, Singer Salvage Yard, Sirens, bobby's hats, gank, the Shining - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:48:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: A siren casts a spell on pimps up in a lil' small-ass Iowa town, rollin dem ta bust a cap up in they wives.





	1. Now

INTERIOR. EVENING. WOMAN TENDERIZES MEAT.

Outside tha window a playa exits his hoopty yo. Dude entas tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **MAN  
** Hey...What?

 **WOMAN  
** Tedz kinda crackin tha whip, aint he?

 **MAN  
** Yo ass be thinkin I wanna bust a nut on comin home late, biatch? I be hustlin mah ass off.

 **WOMAN  
** (pickin up plate of meat) OK. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry. 

 **MAN  
** (movin ta lick her temple) Fuck dat shit, I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. Long day. It make me wanna hollar playa! 

 **WOMAN  
** (movin bout tha room) Oh hey, I ran tha fuck into Jill Martin todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa! Garyz turnin 40 on Saturday.

 **MAN  
** Yeah?

 **WOMAN  
** Bitch invited our asses ta tha party.

 **MAN  
** What'd you tell her?

 **WOMAN  
** That we'd go.

 **MAN  
** (slammin fridge door) Yo ass is kidding!

 **WOMAN  
** What, biatch? Yo ass like Gary hommie!

 **MAN  
** Yeah. That don't mean dat I wanna waste mah Saturdizzle night wit his muthafuckin ass.

 **WOMAN  
** I thought you'd want ta bounce tha fuck out.

 **MAN  
** (angrily) I don't believe you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? 

 **WOMAN  
** It aint nuthin but fine. I be bout ta call Jill n' tell her we can't make dat shit.

 **WOMAN  
** (leanin ta turn on lamp) Whatz wit you tonight, biatch? It aint nuthin but like you wanna gotz a gangbangin' fight or something.

Yo, she turns from tha lamp as he lifts tha meat cleaver over his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude strikes her repeatedly. We peep blood splatterin over they weddin picture.


	2. Act One

INTERIOR - MOTEL ROOM

Camera pans up a manz body under a funky-ass blanket up in bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN is chillin.

 **SAM (off camera)  
** Yeah.

A truck horn sounds. Dean wakes yo. Dude turns ta peep SAM aint up in his bed.

 **SAM (off camera)  
** Yeah, thatz what tha fuck I be spittin some lyrics ta you, biatch. No storms, no shitty crops, nothing.

DEAN leans up on a elbow n' watches SAM rap on tha beeper up in tha bathroom.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, aiiight. We bout ta keep looking. Yo ass keep lookin too, OK?

 **SAM  
** All right. Talk soon.

SAM hangs up. DEAN quickly lies down, pretendin ta chill.

SAM entas main room, watchin DEAN yo. Dude pokes his ass wit his bathroom bag.

 **SAM  
** Hey. Up n' at 'em, kiddo.

 **DEAN  
** (rubbin eyes) Yo ass is up early. What is you bustin?

 **SAM  
** Nothing. I was up in tha can.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yo ass want me ta draw you a picture?

 **DEAN  
** Nah, I be bout ta pass.

 **SAM  
** Found a thang. Bedford, Iowa. Guy beat his hoez domes up wit a meat tenderizer.

 **DEAN  
** Yikes.

 **SAM  
** And git all dis bullshit. Third local inside two months ta gank his hoe. No priors on any of 'em, all happily married.

 **DEAN  
** Ahh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Soundz like Ozzie n' Harriet.

 **SAM  
** (smirking) Mo' like Da Shining.

 **DEAN  
** All right, well I guess we'd betta gotz a look.

...............................

INT - PRISON INTERVIEW ROOM  


**MAN  
** Why do tha PD keep bustin you muthafuckas, biatch? I already holla'd I don't want a lawyer.

 **DEAN  
** They're linin up tha firin squad.

 **MAN  
** I be pleadin guilty.

 **DEAN  
** All right, look, you don't want our asses ta represent you, thatz fine. In fact itz probably not a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass idea, between you n' mah dirty ass. Us playas just wanna KNOW what tha fuck happened, thatz all.

 **SAM  
** Mista Muthafuckin Benson. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Please.

 **BENSEN  
** What happened was, I capped mah hoe. Yo ass wanna know why, biatch? Because she made plans without askin mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Now when it happened, how tha fuck did you feel, biatch? Disoriented, outta control?

 **DEAN  
** Like suttin' possessed you ta do it?

 **BENSEN  
** I knew exactly what tha fuck I was bustin. I was crystal clear.

 **DEAN  
** Da why'd you do it?

 **BENSON  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I loved her n' shit. Us thugs was horny.

DEAN places some papers on tha table n' taps dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Nine G's. Thatz a hefty bill.

 **BENSON  
** Where did you git that?

 **DEAN  
** Doesn't matter n' shit. Our thugged-out asses have dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, certain charges, ones you don't want tha missus ta know...they show up under shady names like 'M & C Entertainment'.

 **BENSON  
** I don't give a fuck what tha fuck you poppin' off about.

 **DEAN  
** Like droppin plastic at a nudie bar fo' instance.

 **SAM  
** Us playas just wanna know tha real deal, Mista Muthafuckin Benson.

 **BENSON  
** Her name was Jasmine.

 **SAM  
** Bitch was a stripper?

 **DEAN  
** Dude, her name was Jasmine.

 **BENSON  
** I didn't mean fo' it ta happen, I don't like ta git all up in strip bars. My fuckin dawg was havin a funky-ass bachelor party, n' there dat biiiiatch was.

 **SAM  
** Jasmine.

 **BENSON  
** Bitch came right up ta mah dirty ass fo' realz. And...I dunno, dat biiiiatch was just...perfect. Everythang dat I wanted.

 **DEAN  
** Well you pay enough n' anybody is ghon be anything.

 **BENSON  
** It wasn't bout tha scrilla. Well shiiiit, it wasn't even bout tha sex. Well shiiiit, it was...I dunno. I....I don't give a fuck what tha fuck it was. It aint nuthin but hard ta explain.

 **SAM  
** And yo' hoe found out?

 **BENSON  
** Fuck dat shit, she never had a cold-ass lil clue.

 **SAM  
** Then why'd you bust a cap up in her?

 **BENSON  
** For Jasmine. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch holla'd we would be together forever n' shit. If...if only Vicki was... 

 **DEAN  
** (Under his breath) Muertos. 

 **BENSON  
** Afterwards, me n' Jasmine was supposed ta hook up n' she never flossed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I don't give a fuck where she lives, I don't give a fuck her last name, I don't even know her real first name biaaatch! I be a idiot.

 **SAM  
** And you didn't be thinkin ta tell dis ta tha cops?

 **BENSON  
** What for, biatch? Da stripper didn't do it, I done did it fo' realz. And I know what tha fuck I deserve. Da judge don't break off tha dirtnap sentence, I be bout ta just do it mah dirty ass.

...............................

INT yo. HOSPITAL OFFICE 

A biatch sits behind a thugged-out desk. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch tips some tablets from a funky-ass forty tha fuck into her hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da name on tha crib door readz Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Cara Roberts.

 **SAM  
** (entas crib as CARA swallows tha tablets n' rubs her temples) Rough night?

 **CARA  
** Fun night. Rough morning.

SAM sniggers.

 **CARA  
** Can I help yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** Ahhh...yes. Um, I be Special Agent Stiles, STD. Yo ass Doctor Cara Roberts?

 **CARA  
** Far as I know.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass do some work wit tha Sheriffz department?

 **CARA  
** Yeah, when I aint sloggin it all up in tha ER. It aint nuthin but a lil' small-ass town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We multi-task. 

 **SAM  
** Well, I have some thangs on some cold-ass lil case fo' realz. Bout nuff muthafuckin cases actually. Do you mind if I sit?

CARA motions SAM ta a cold-ass lil chair.

 **SAM  
** Great fo' realz. Adam Benson, Jim Wylie, n' Steve Snyder.

 **CARA  
** Oh yeah, tha pimps whoz ass capped they wives?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass handled they work-ups, right?

 **CARA  
** Autopsies fo' tha wives n' tox screens fo' tha perps. Two-for-one special.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass find anything?

 **CARA  
** Not straight-up. I mean, c.o.d. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! on tha dem hoes was pretty clear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. There was not a god damn thang unusual up in they systems.

 **SAM  
** What bout tha homeboys?

 **CARA  
** Can I....see yo' badge again?

CARA looks closely at SAMz badge, n' at SAM.

 **CARA  
** There was one thang, um, a anomaly up in tha blood work fo' realz. And I remember thankin how tha fuck strange dat shiznit was dat it flossed up in all three of tha men.

 **SAM  
** That what tha fuck flossed up?

 **CARA  
** Oxytocin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And they levels was wild-ass high. 

 **SAM  
** Ahh. Oxytocin?

 **CARA  
** Mm-hmm, itz a hormone thatz produced durin childbirth, lactation n' sex.

 **SAM  
** OK.

 **CARA  
** Muthafuckas call it tha ludd hormone. Um, you know how tha fuck it feels when you first fall up in love. Da whole weak up in tha knees, tattoo you on mah chest thang, biatch? Thatz oxytocin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Of course it eventually fades n' then you stuck wit every last muthafuckin relationshizzle eva n' shit. That n' tha fucked up regime of tattoo removal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. 

SAM n' CARA smile at each other.

DEAN enters.

 **DEAN  
** What'd I miss?

 **SAM  
** (To CARA) Ahh, dis is mah partner, Agent Murdoch. 

 **DEAN  
** (holdin up his hand) Please, "Agent" soundz so formal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass can call me Dean.

 **CARA  
** (bobbin his hand briskly) I be Doctor Roberts.

 **CARA  
** (Turns back ta SAM) So, um, can I help you wit anythang else?

 **SAM  
** Uhh, sure, just one mo' thang. This chemical, this...

 **CARA  
** Oxytocin.

 **SAM**  
Oxytocin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. What would cause dem high levels dat you found?

 **CARA  
** Nothang dat I've eva seen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** OK. Thatz dat shit. Thanks Doc.

SAM n' CARA exchange smilez again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da thugs move ta tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dean moves through, Sam hesitates then turns back.

 **SAM  
** By tha way...try a greasy breakfast. Best thang fo' a hangover.

 **CARA  
** (Smiling) Watch it dawg, I be tha only M.D. here.

Outside CARAz crib DEAN n' SAM strutt away. 

 **DEAN  
** Dude, you straight-up C-blocked mah dirty ass.

.....................

DEAN n' SAM is leavin tha hospitizzle.

 **SAM  
** So Whylie n' Snyder straight-up fessed up, huh?

 **DEAN  
** One emptied his IRA, tha other, his kids' college fund, all on tha same day.

 **SAM  
** Live nude girls?

 **DEAN  
** A club called 'Da Honey Wagon'.

 **SAM  
** These muthafuckas have affairs too, wit a stripper also known as Jasmine?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all, n' no. This is where it gets interesting. Each muthafucka hooked up wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different chick.

 **SAM  
** So, what, biatch? These hoes all connected somehow?

 **DEAN  
** Well, they all busted lyrics bout they stripper up in tha same way, tha exact same way. Perfect, n' every last muthafuckin thang dat they wanted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah, at least until trip Barbie convinced dem ta cappin' they wives.

 **DEAN  
** Therez dis shit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, itz almost like they was under some kinda ludd spell.

 **DEAN  
** Sure seems dat way.

 **SAM  
** Which caused dem ta become straight-up psychotic.

 **DEAN  
** Absolutely.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass seem pretty cheery.

 **DEAN  
** Strippers, Sammy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strippers. We on a actual case involvin strippers. Finally.

................................

EXT. THE HONEY WAGON BAR

DEAN shows his badges ta securitizzle n' entas tha club.

................................

INT. THE HONEY WAGON BAR 

'Thunder Kiss '65' by White Zombie is playing.

 **DEAN  
** (To tha manager) I be lookin fo' three hoes. Jasmine, Aurora n' Ariel. 

 **MANAGER  
** Yo ass seriously be thinkin dem names mean anythang ta me son?

 **DEAN  
** Onez a redhead bout 5'9". Da other onez Asian, about... 

 **MANAGER  
** Yo ass have any scam how tha fuck nuff hoes I deal with, biatch? Fake names, fake hair, fake...

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass gotta have some sort of paperwork. Cheque stubs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some way ta keep track of tha strippers.

 **MANAGER  
** Please, horny-ass dancers. Independent contractors hustlin fo' chedda. I stay outta they hair, they stay outta what tha fuck lil I have left. 

 **DEAN  
** Three of yo' hustlas murdered they wives. Yo ass don't be thinkin dat thatz weird, biatch? 

 **MANAGER  
** Yeah. I be thinkin thatz super-friggin' weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But you know what tha fuck it ain't, biatch? My fuckin problem. 

Da manager leaves. DEAN sees SAM n' strutts over ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Any luck?

 **DEAN  
** No. You?

 **SAM  
** A lil. I just talked ta Bobby, we officially gotz a theory. 

 **DEAN  
** Whatz that?

 **SAM  
** Siren.

 **DEAN  
** Like Greek myth siren, tha Odessy, biatch? (SAM gives DEAN a surprised look)....Yo, I read dawwwg!

 **SAM  
** Yeah, actually. But tha sirenz not straight-up a myth, itz mo' of a funky-ass dope creature dat preys on men, enticin dem wit they siren song. 

 **DEAN  
** Let me guess, 'Yo, wuz crackalackin', biatch? Yo ass is smokin tha Jungle?' Fuck dat shit, no. Warrantz 'Cherry Pie.'

 **SAM  
** Their cold lil' woo wop is mo' of a metaphor, like...like they call, they allure, you know?

 **DEAN  
** So they shake they thang n' tha muthafuckas zombie out.

 **SAM  
** Basically, yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sirens lived on islands, sailors would chase 'em, straight-up ignorin tha rocky shores...and dash theyselves ta pieces.

 **DEAN  
** Soundz like Adam n' his buddies.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. If you was a siren up in '09 lookin ta fuck up a funky-ass bunch of morons, where would you set up shop?

 **DEAN  
** So whatever floats tha muthafuckaz boat, thatz what tha fuck they look like?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yo ass see, sirens can read minds. They peep what tha fuck you want most n' then they can kinda, like, cloak theyselves. Yo ass know, like a illusion.

 **DEAN  
** So it could all be tha same chick, biatch? Morphin into, uh, ta different trip girls?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, actually. Probably. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sirens is probably pretty solitary. 

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck do we bust a cap up in it?

 **SAM  
** Bobbyz hustlin on dat shit. Even if we figure dat out...

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck tha hell is we gunna find it, biatch? It could be anybody.

...........................

Camera pans ta a lil' playa chillin up in a funky-ass booth fo' realz. A stripper approaches. 

 **LENNY  
** Yo, Belle.

 **BELLE  
** (takin his hand n' leadin his ass outta tha bar) I thought you'd never come. 

...........................

INT fo' realz. APARTMENT.

Lenny looks up in on one of mah thugs chillin, then closes tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **LENNY  
** (To Belle) It aint nuthin but OK, she asleep.

 **BELLE  
** Lenny, you amazing. Takin care of her like this, biatch? Most muthafuckas would have put her up in a nursin home.

 **LENNY  
** It aint nuthin but no big-ass deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Dat hoe mah momma. 

 **BELLE  
** Like I holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Amazing.

They bust a nut on tha couch. Da camera shows BELLEz reflection up in tha mirror as a haggard monster.

_Afterwards_

**BELLE  
** Baby. I gots a straight-up boner fo' you all muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa! Da way you take care of me n' yo' momma. Yo ass is so dope fo' realz. And strong. I just wish you didn't gotta carry it all. I mean, yo' momma takes up all yo' time fo' realz. As long as she round we can't straight-up be horny. 

 **LENNY  
** Dat hoe not so bad.

 **BELLE  
** I could be wit you, forever n' shit. If only yo' momma wasn't here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Don't you wanna be wit me forever?

 **LENNY  
** Yeah. Yeah, you know I do. 

 **BELLE  
** Then bash yo' motherz domes in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Baby, do it fo' mah dirty ass. Do it, baby.

 **LENNY  
** Yeah. OK. If you say so.

 **BELLE  
** I gots a straight-up boner fo' you, biatch.

Lenny takes a poker from tha fireplace n' strutts ta his crazy-ass motherz room. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strikin soundz n' cries is heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 


	3. Act Two

INT. MOTEL ROOM

DEAN is ridin' solo yo. Dude stares at, then picks up, Samz beeper n' scrolls ta a unknown number n' shiznit yo. Dude rings dat shit. 

 **RUBY  
** (on phone) Sam.....Sam?... Yo ass there...?

DEAN quickly hangs up, lookin upset.

SAM enters. 

 **SAM  
** Lenny Bristol was definitely another siren vic.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass git up in ta peep him?

 **SAM  
** Yep yo. Dude looted home a stripper named Belle. Coupla minutes lata he offed his crazy-ass mutha n' shit. Belle, of course, went MIA. 

 **DEAN  
** Wait, he capped his crazy-ass mom?

 **SAM  
** Da biatch da thug was closest like a muthafucka.

SAMz beeper rings. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you, uh, forgot yo' beeper.

DEAN tosses SAM his thugged-out lil' phone.

 **SAM  
** (givin Dean a worried look) Yo Bobby.

 **BOBBY  
** Sam. Yo ass find her yet?

 **SAM  
** Ahhh, no fo' realz. And, uh, it don't seem like her big-ass booty slowin down any. Yo ass gots anything?

 **BOBBY  
** Well, some lore from a thugged-out dusty Greek poem. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shockingly, itz a lil vague. 

 **SAM  
** Hold on a sec, I be bout ta put you on speaker.

 **BOBBY  
** It say you need "a bronze dagger, covered up in tha blood of a sailor, under tha spell of tha song".

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell do dat mean?

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass gots mah dirty ass. Us dudes dealin wit 3000 muthafuckin yearz of tha telephone game here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **SAM  
** Best guess?

 **BOBBY  
** Well, tha sirenz spell ain't gots not a god damn thang ta do wit any song. It aint nuthin but most likely some kind of toxin or venom. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang she gets up in tha vics blood.

 **SAM  
** And make dem go all Manchurian Candidate. Uh, what tha fuck do you think, she infects tha pimps durin sex?

 **BOBBY  
** Maybe.

 **DEAN  
** Supernatural STD. 

 **BOBBY  
** Well, however it happens, once itz done tha sirenz gotta peep her back. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gets a thugged-out dose of her own medicine... 

 **SAM  
** It kills her n' shit. 

 **BOBBY  
** Like a snake gettin iced by its own venom.

 **DEAN  
** So our laid-back asses just gotta find a way ta juice one of tha OJs on lockdown?

 **BOBBY  
** Not dat easy as fuck . None of dem muthafuckas is under tha spell no mo' yo. Haven't gots a cold-ass lil clue where you goin ta git tha blood you need. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin I might have a idea.

 **BOBBY  
** Be careful naaahhmean, biatch? These thangs is tricky biiiatches. Wrap you up in knots before you know what tha fuck hit ya.

...................

INT yo. HOSPITAL

 **SAM  
** Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Roberts.

 **CARA  
** Agent Stiles. Can't stay away, huh, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Actually, uh, our crazy asses here on bidnizz fo' realz. Bout tha blood samples. Da ones wit tha high...you know...oxytocin, biatch? 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass still have them?

 **CARA  
** Mm-hmm. 

 **DEAN  
** Good, we need dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **CARA  
** What for?

 **MAN  
** (approaching) Excuse me, Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Roberts?

 **CARA  
** Yeah?

 **DEAN  
** (gettin up his STD badge) Excuse me, uh, we a lil busy here, dawg. 

 **MAN  
** (gettin up his own STD badge) Yeah, so be I, pal.

 **SAM  
** Doc, can you give our asses a sec, please?

 **CARA  
** (Backin away) Sure.

 **SAM  
** Thanks.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz yo' name?

 **STRANGER  
** Nick Munroe. Whatz yours?

 **SAM  
** I be Special Agent Sam Stiles, dis is mah partner Dean Murdoch. What crib is you from, biatch? 

 **MUNROE  
** Omaha, Violent Crimes Unit. My fuckin SAC busted mah crazy ass down here ta peep bout tha murders. 

 **SAM  
** Hmm.

 **MUNROE  
** You, biatch? 

 **DEAN  
** D.C. Our Assistant Director assigned us. 

 **MUNROE  
** Oh, which AD?

 **SAM  
** Mike Kaiser n' shit. 

 **MUNROE  
** What is yo' badge numbers?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is kidding, right?

 **MUNROE  
** I be just followin protocol.

 **SAM  
** (handin MUNROE a cold-ass lil card) Look dude, whatever n' shit. Just call our AD, he'll sort thangs out.

MUNROE dials tha number.

 **VOICE ON PHONE  
** D.C. Bureau.

 **MUNROE  
** Yeah, Assistant Director Kaiser,. Biiiatch please.

 **VOICE  
** Well, dat would be mah dirty ass. What can I do fo' yo slick ass?

 **MUNROE  
** Yes, sir yo. Hello. It aint nuthin but Agent Nick Munroe. I be callin bout two of yo' men. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stilez n' Murdoch, biatch? Uh, it seems dat they've been put on mah case by mistake?

 **BOBBY  
** (on other end of line, fryin his fuckin lunch) Is you dissin mah authority?

 **MUNROE  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I aint questioning...

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass coulda fooled mah dirty ass. Last time I checked, son, D.C. has jurisdiction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Or is I wrong?

 **MUNROE  
** Ahhh, no sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **BOBBY  
** Well, good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Well, tha next time you wanna waste mah time wit wack thangs, don't. 

BOBBY hangs up beeper along a line of phones marked Fed Marshall, STD, CIA, etc. 

 **BOBBY  
** Oh, dem idiots.

 **Munroe  
** (movin back ta DEAN n' SAM) I be sorry, muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Just don't let it happen again.

 **MUNROE  
** Where is you at wit this?

 **DEAN  
** Where is  _you_  at wit this?

 **MUNROE  
** Well, I was just bout ta run the, uh, perps' bloodwork.

 **SAM  
** I already checked, dead end.

 **MUNROE  
** Oh yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **MUNROE  
** But git all dis bullshit. I feel like I found suttin' that, uh, connects all tha murderers. 

 **SAM  
** Really?

 **MUNROE  
** (nodding) They was all bangin strippers....from tha same club.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass don't say hommie!

 **MUNROE  
** What do you say we, uh, go down there n' check it out?

 **DEAN  
** Well, herez tha thang, Nick. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, we kinda lone wolves...

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know what, dat soundz like a pimpin idea. Just... just break me off a second wit mah partner n' we'll, uh...one sec. (SAM ta DEAN) Come here. Dude, you gotta stay wit his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Keep his ass outta tha way.

 **DEAN  
** Why me son?

 **SAM  
** 'Cause I gotta git tha blood samples.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell is I supposed ta do wit him?

 **SAM  
** Just take his ass ta tha strip club...keep a eye up fo' tha siren. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Come on, Dean, just... just focus on tha naked hoes. You'll forget he even there biaaatch! 

 **DEAN  
** I aint bustin dis fo' you, I be bustin it fo' tha hoes.

...............

EXT. CARPARK OF HOSPITAL

 **DEAN  
** All right, we takin mah ride, no complainin bout tha tunes.

 **MUNROE  
** No way. Yo ass drive a Impala?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **MUNROE  
** It aint nuthin but a '67, right, biatch? It aint nuthin but a 327 four barrel. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, actually. 

 **MUNROE  
** It aint nuthin but a thang of beauty.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks.

 **MUNROE  
** How tha fuck tha hell did you rap tha Bureau tha fuck into lettin you drive yo' own wheels?

.................

INT yo. HOSPITAL

 **CARA  
** Yo ass want dis blood cuz...

 **SAM  
** Uh, we'd like ta run some tests.

 **CARA  
** Yo ass know, I've run every last muthafuckin test there is. It's, um, mah thang. Notice tha lab coat.

 **SAM  
** We know a specialist who'd like ta hook up a theory.

 **CARA  
** (movin ta cabinet) If you say so.

 **CARA  
** (slidin up a tray of test tubes) What tha hell?

 **SAM  
** What?

 **CARA  
** Da bloodz gone.

......................

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STRIP CLUB

Music  _Steal tha World_  by Brian Tichy. DEAN n' MUNROE is drankin shots at a table.

 **DEAN  
** Nobodyz Fault But Mine.

 **MUNROE  
** Zeppelin recorded it up in '75. Dat shiznit was a cold-ass lil cover of a Blind Willie Johnston tune.

 **DEAN  
** Nice.

 **MUNROE  
** Yo ass Shook Me.

 **DEAN  
** '69, debut mixtape, freestyled by Willie Dixon.

 **MUNROE  
** And....?

 **DEAN  
** And what?

 **MUNROE  
** Written by Willie Dixon n' J.B. Lenoir.

 **DEAN  
** Dude. Dude biaaatch! Yo ass know, fo' a gangbangin' fed, you not a total dick.

 **MUNROE  
** Aren't we both feds?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I know, I just...you know, not a shitload of fedz is as def as us, huh, biatch? 

 **MUNROE  
** So what tha fuck tha hell wit dis case, man, biatch? How tha fuck do a hoe rap four different johns tha fuck into murder?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but a wild-ass ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

 **MUNROE  
** I guess. Yo, can I level wit yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** Mmm.

 **MUNROE  
** I found suttin' kinda weird.

 **DEAN  
** Well. Yo ass have looted yo' weird ta tha right spot. Lay it on mah dirty ass. 

 **MUNROE  
** I went ta tha crime scene dis morning. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Saw dem baggin dis up. (Handz DEAN some purple petals up in a plastic bag). Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I went back, uh, all up in all tha files. Well shiiiit, it turns up a gangbangin' flower just like dat was found at every last muthafuckin crime scene. 

 **DEAN  
** Like dat shiznit was left on purpose?

 **MUNROE  
** Yo ass know, sometimes a serial killa will leave a object behind, like a cold-ass lil callin card. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But wit dis case, biatch? Tell you tha real deal, I gots no clue what tha fuck be happenin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** I be thinkin I might. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I peeped a gangbangin' flower like dis before.

........................

INT yo. HOSPITAL

 **CARA  
** We've peeped dem twice. Whoever took tha blood...

 **SAM  
** Must have tampered wit tha tapes. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck has access ta yo' office?

 **CARA  
** All Y'all. I don't lock dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass what?

 **CARA  
** I've never had dis problem before. What tha fuck iz so blingin bout tha blood anyway?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin one of mah thugs sticky-icky-ickyged tha men, made dem commit murder.

 **CARA  
** What, biatch? What kind of sticky-icky-icky?

 **SAM  
** Ahh, I aint shizzle yet. 

 **CARA  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I mean, I rap battleed dem muthafuckas n' they had they reasons.

 **SAM  
** Yeah but they all loved they suckas.

 **CARA  
** I be shizzle they done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Haven't you eva been up in a relationshizzle where you straight-up ludd some muthafucka n' still kinda wanted ta bash they head in?

 **SAM  
** Soundz like you bustin lyrics from experience.

 **CARA  
** Yeah. 

 **SAM  
** Look, I be sorry, I don't mean ta pry.

 **CARA  
** It aint nuthin but OK. I was tha one whoz ass looted it up.

CARA opens a funky-ass forty of whiskey n' pours two glasses.

 **SAM  
** (Lookin all up in tha whiskey) Fo' realz, biatch? 

 **CARA  
** It aint nuthin but medicine. I be a thugged-out doctor.

 **CARA  
** His name was Karl. Us thugs was married. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

They clink glasses. 

 **SAM  
** So what tha fuck happened?

 **CARA  
** Life happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I mean I loved his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still do I guess but...I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. It aint nuthin but like one dizzle I looked up n' I was livin wit a stranger and...you know what tha fuck I mean, right, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** I guess. Or, I don't give a fuck, maybe.

 **CARA  
** Muthafuckas chizzle. I know I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But itz not a god damn thang ta feel guilty about. Well shiiiit, it happens.

 **SAM  
** So you two split up?

 **CARA  
** I suppose thatz a word fo' dat shit.

SAMz beeper rings yo. Dude looks all up in tha number.

 **CARA  
** Do you need ta git that?

 **Sam  
** Nope. Not n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

CARA pours dem both another drink.

 **CARA  
** Whatever n' shit. We've all gots our own fucked up stories, so... screw it yo. Have fun, no regrets n' live game like there be a no tomorrow.

They clink glasses again.

 **CARA  
** (Movin closer) For instance, I done been thankin bout you, all night. Well, partz of you, biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Just parts?

 **CARA  
** Mmm-hmmm. Like yo' lips. They're straight-up distracting. It aint nuthin but a problem fo' realz. And I can't stop thankin bout humpin' dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** That so?

CARA So....what tha hell, huh, biatch? 

They bust a nut against tha window, next ta a funky-ass bunch of tha same flowers MUNROE had given DEAN earlier.

 


	4. Act Three

INT. MOTEL HALLWAY

SAM strutts down tha hall n' entas they room. Well shiiiit, it is empty yo. Dude gets up his thugged-out lil' phone. 

 **DEAN  
** (Driving) Sam! Where tha hell have you been?

 **SAM  
** With Cara.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, itz Cara now, biatch? And you not pickin up yo' phone?

 **SAM  
** Us thugs was tryin ta find tha blood samplez- one of mah thugs stole 'em.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I bet playa!

 **SAM  
** Whatz dat supposed ta mean?

 **DEAN  
** Nick found flower petals all up in tha crime scenes yo. Hyacinths.

 **SAM  
** So?

 **DEAN  
** Hyacinths, biatch? Mediterranean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. From tha island where tha whole friggin' siren myth started up in tha straight-up original gangsta place.

 **SAM  
** OK.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, Cara had hyacinth flowers!

 **SAM  
** Yo ass be thinkin Caraz tha siren?

 **DEAN  
** Well, I did a lil checkin up on her n' shit. Dat hoe only been up in hood fo' two months.

 **SAM  
** Yeah fo' realz. And?

 **DEAN  
** And dat freaky freaky biatch has a ex-husband. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A dead ex-husband, Carl Roberts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Dropped like a stone, no warning. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Supposedly a ass attack. 

 **SAM  
** Well, maybe dat shiznit was a ass attack.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is kiddin mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Look, I just don't be thinkin itz her muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** And what tha fuck make you so sure?

 **SAM  
** I dunno, a hunch.

 **DEAN  
** A hunch, biatch? I be givin you cold hard facts here n' you givin me a hunch?

A few secondz of loaded silence. 

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass chill wit her?

 **SAM  
** No. 

 **DEAN  
** Holy crap. Yo ass done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Middle of Basic Instinct n' you bang Shazzle Stone, biatch? Sam, you could be under her spell right now! 

 **SAM  
** Dude, I aint under her spell.

 **DEAN  
** Unbelievable, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I just don't git dat shit. 

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing. 

 **SAM  
** No. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Say dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, It aint nuthin but just...first itz Madison, n' then Ruby, n' now Cara. It aint nuthin but like... what tha fuck is wit you n' bangin monsters, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Dean, I be spittin some lyrics ta you, it aint Cara. I feel fine. 

 **DEAN  
** I be bout ta bet you do.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass don't trust me son?

 **DEAN  
** No. Because dis could be tha siren rappin'.

 **SAM  
** Look, tell me where yo ass is, I be bout ta come hook up you n' we'll figure thangs out.

 **DEAN  
** No.

 **SAM  
** Is you trippin like a muthafucka?

 **DEAN  
** I wish I weren't. I gotta handle this, Sam. By mah dirty ass.

They hang up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam throws his beeper across tha room. 

...................

 **DEAN  
** (in Impala on phone) Samz up in shit, Bobby. I be thinkin tha sirenz hit dat shiznit her mojo on his muthafuckin ass. Give me a cold-ass lil call as soon as you git all dis bullshit.

Dean hangs up n' immediately make another call. 

 **MUNROE  
** Yo dude, what tha fuck up?

 **DEAN  
** I need yo' help.

 **MUNROE  
** Uh, sure. With what?

 **DEAN  
** Canvassing. We gotta find some muthafucka.

...............

MUNROE sits up in his hoopty outside a funky-ass bar yo. Dude watches Cara git outta a ride n' strutt inside.

DEAN slides tha fuck into MUNROEz passenger seat. 

 **MUNROE  
** Bitch went up in just a second ago.

 **DEAN  
** Sick work.

 **MUNROE  
** Should we follow her in?

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, I don't wanna tip her off. Letz just wait n' peep whoz ass dat thugged-out biiiatch comes up with.

 **MUNROE  
** So you think... what, biatch? Dat hoe sticky-icky-ickygin these muthafuckas?

 **DEAN  
** Pretty much.

 **MUNROE  
** Uh-huh.

 **DEAN  
** I know how tha fuck it sounds.

 **MUNROE  
** Yo ass shizzle bout that, biatch? 'Cause it soundz like wild-ass on toast fo' realz. All these different strippers, they magically tha same girl, biatch? But then they not strippers at all, itz Dr Quinn.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but kinda hard ta explain yo, but I have mah reasons n' they phat ones, so you just gunna gotta trust me on 'em.

 **MUNROE  
** Yeah. OK. I guess.

 **DEAN  
** (Surprised) Nuff props, biatch. Thatz straight-up sick ta hear.

DEAN takes a swig from his hip flask n' offers it ta MUNROE. MUNROE dranks n' handz it back. DEAN takes another swig. 

 **MUNROE  
** So letz say her ass is sticky-icky-ickygin her vics yo. Howz she pullin dat off?

 **DEAN  
** Bitch could be injectin them, you know, or passin tha toxin through, uh, physical contact. 

 **MUNROE  
** Or it could be her saliva...Yo ass straight-up should have wiped tha lip of dat thang before you drank from it, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (A look of realization crosses DEANz face). I should be yo' lil brutha n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam. Yo ass can't trust his muthafuckin ass. Not like you can trust mah dirty ass. (MUNROEz reflection up in tha rear vision mirror is dat of a monster.) In fact, I straight-up feel like you should git his ass outtta tha way, so we can be brothers. Forever.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yeah, you right.

 


	5. Act Four

INT. MOTEL ROOM

SAM enters. MUNROE is chillin on tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Nick. What is you bustin here?

DEAN jumps SAM n' holdz a knife ta his cold-ass throat. 

 **SAM  
** Dean?

 **SAM  
** (to MUNROE) I gotta tell ya, you one booty skanky stripper.

 **MUNROE  
** Well, maybe. But I gots exactly what tha fuck I wanted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I gots Dean.

 **SAM  
** Dean, come on dude, dis aint you, biatch. Yo ass can fight all dis bullshit. Let me go.

 **MUNROE  
** (To DEAN) Why don't you cut him, biatch? Just a lil, on his neck right there.

DEAN slices SAM'S neck. 

 **MUNROE  
** Deanz all mine.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass poisoned his muthafuckin ass.

 **MUNROE  
** No. I gave his ass what tha fuck he needed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And it wasn't some biiiatch up in a G-string. Dat shiznit was you, biatch fo' realz. A lil brutha dat looked up ta him, dat his schmoooove ass could trust fo' realz. And now he loves mah dirty ass yo. He'd do anythang fo' mah dirty ass fo' realz. And I gotta rap , Sam, dat kind of devotion, biatch? I mean, watchin one of mah thugs bust a cap up in fo' yo slick ass, biatch? It aint nuthin but tha dopest feelin up in tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Is dat why you supa-hotin all over town?

 **MUNROE  
** Ahh. I git bored, like we all do fo' realz. And I wanna fall up in ludd again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And again...and again.

 **SAM  
** I be bout ta rap what. I have fought some nasty lil playaz of biiiatches yo, but yo ass is one needy pathetic weak-ass muthafucka n' shit. 

 **MUNROE  
** Yo ass won't feel dat way up in a minute.

MUNROE grabs SAMz cheeks n' squirts toxin from his crazy-ass grill onto SAMz lips n' chin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **MUNROE  
** So I know you two gotz a shitload you wanna git off yo' chests, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So why don't you say shit bout it, biatch? And whoever survives can be wit me alllll muthafuckin day.

SAM n' DEAN turn ta grill each other n' shit. 

 **DEAN  
** Well, I don't give a fuck when it happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Maybe when I was up in hell. Maybe when I was starin right at you, biatch. But tha Sam I knew, he gone. 

 **SAM  
** That so?

 **DEAN  
** And it aint tha demon blood or tha psycho crap. It aint nuthin but tha lil stuff. Da lies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Da secrets.

 **SAM  
** Oh, yeah, biatch? What secrets?

 **DEAN  
** Da beeper calls ta Ruby fo' one.

 **SAM  
** So I need yo' say-so ta cook up a funky-ass beeper call?

 **DEAN  
** Thatz tha point. Yo ass is hidin thangs from mah dirty ass. What else aren't you spittin some lyrics ta me son, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** None of yo' bidnizz.

 **DEAN  
** See what tha fuck I mean, biatch? We used ta be up in dis together n' shit. We used ta have each otherz backs.

 **SAM  
** OK, fine. Yo ass know why I didn't rap bout Ruby, n' how tha fuck our crazy asses hustlin down Lilith, biatch? Because you too weak ta go afta her, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass is holdin me back. I be a funky-ass betta hunta than yo ass is. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stronger, smarter n' shit. I can take up demons you too scared ta go near. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **DEAN  
** Thatz crap.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is too busy chillin round feelin sorry fo' yo ass. Whinin bout all tha souls you tortured up in hell. Boo hoo. 

Dean n' Sam start fighting, tradin nuff punches. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass aint standin up in mah way no mo'. 

DEAN runs at SAM. They crash all up in tha door onto tha hallway floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN gets up while SAM lies on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN breaks tha emergency glass n' gets a axe, then standz starin down at SAM. 

 **MUNROE  
** Do dat shit. Do it fo' me, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** (to SAM) Tell me again n' again n' again how tha fuck weak I am, Sam, huh, biatch? How tha fuck I git freaky wit you back?

DEAN swings tha axe over his head as SAM covers his wild lil' grill wit his thugged-out arm. 

At tha top of tha swin tha axe is grabbed as BOBBY steps in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude jabs Dean up in tha shoulder wit a funky-ass bronze knife, makin his ass cry out.

MUNROE begins ta run down tha hall. BOBBY raises tha knife.

 **SAM  
** No. NO!

BOBBY flings tha knife. Well shiiiit, it hits MUNROE square up in tha back fo' realz. As he falls, dead, his siren reflection is shown up in a mirror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 


	6. Act Five

EXT. Leanin against cars. BOBBY handz dranks around.

 **SAM  
** Thanks.

 **DEAN  
** Soda?

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass thugs is driving, aren't ya?

 **SAM  
** Thanks, Bobby. Yo ass know, if you hadn't shown up when you done did...

 **BOBBY  
** Done tha same fo' me, mo' than once. Course, you coulda picked up tha phone. Only took one call ta git into dat Agent Nick Munroe wasn't real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. 

Awkward silence.

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass thugs gunna be OK?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, fine.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, good.

BOBBY tips his basebizzle cap n' headz back over ta his car.

 **BOBBY  
** See ya. (Dude pauses n' turns back ta SAM n' DEAN.) Yo ass know, dem sirens is nasty thangs. That it gots ta you, thatz no reason ta feel bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

BOBBY gets up in his hoopty n' drives away. Da thugs sip they drinks. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass gunna say peace out ta Cara?

 **SAM  
** Nah, not interested.

 **DEAN  
** Really, biatch? Why not?

 **SAM  
** Whatz tha point?

 **DEAN  
** Well, peep you, biatch. Ludd 'em n' leave 'em.

 **SAM  
** Dean, look, you know I didn't mean tha thangs I holla'd back there, right, biatch? That dat shiznit was just tha sirenz spell rappin'?

 **DEAN  
** Of course, me like a muthafucka. 

Mo' silence. 

 **SAM  
** 'Kay. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So... so we good?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, we good.

They enta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 


End file.
